Best Friends

Do you as an adult have a best friend?

Wait let’s go back a step, what is a best friend? Is it someone you have been friends with for a long time? Perhaps since childhood? Or is it someone who has been very supportive and your go-to person cheering you on? Or is it the person who you rely on when things go horribly wrong?

I think a best friend is in the eye of the beholder. If you feel that someone is your best friend, then they are.

But…

I don’t have a best friend.

I don’t like that term. For me, it brings back memories of recess where someone is your best friend one day and the next day they have a new best friend. Best friendship as young-ish children is fleeting and changes with a whim.

I prefer the term close friend. I have a few close friends who I can rely on and who are supportive of me and I of them. Friends that I know will be there through this season/stage of my life. Will they always be my close friends? Perhaps not but they will ALWAYS be my friends.

I think friendships like romantic relationships change over time as we change as people. And, I think that should be more normalized. The friends you make through school may or may not have the same ambitions or goals that you have after school. And, that is okay. Those work friends that you make to get through the workday, but you don’t talk to much once you change jobs. That is okay too.

Don’t put too much emphasis on making or having a ‘best’ friend. Just be a good friend and find people that love you for who you are. Sometimes they are hard to find, but once you do. You know it.

 

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Tantrum to Change

I have a lot of change going on in my life and today I don’t wanna deal with it. I want to have a toddler tantrum and not have to have anything change. I mostly like life as it was three months ago. Before change was thrust upon me.

I don’t want to have to sell things, even if they are things I don’t need. I don’t want to be stressed about money. I don’t want to deal with other people (strangers or not) in my spaces. I don’t want to panic about possibly losing my job. I don’t want to be stressed about the financial state of the company I work for as it is completely out of my control. I don’t want to move furniture around to accommodate strangers staying in my home. I don’t want to have to move my belongs to make room for others. I don’t want to lock up paperwork and other items. I don’t want to lock up different rooms.

I. Just Don’t.Want. To.

And, for the rest of the day I’m not gonna, so there!

Change can be a real Debby Downer when a lot of things happen at once. And, some days you just gotta throw a tantrum (in your head) and go watch Wall-E. The change and everything that goes with it will still be there tomorrow.

Rough Transition to Adulthood

I can’t imagine the rough transition that today’s youth have when they enter the workforce. Schools are such cajoling places now, you get credit just for showing up and trying. You don’t get flunked from a grade, even if you really don’t understand the concepts or have the spelling, math, or writing ability for that grade. You just keep being shunted along on the education factory track. Think about that for a minute, the school system (and many parents, I’m sad to say) don’t care enough about that individual child to hold them back a grade until they mature a little and gain the knowledge they need to succeed at the next grade. How is that child ever going to then succeed in life?

That kid who was shunted along into high school might graduate or might not but they then need to get a job. What kind of life can that child have without the basics of how to learn? Many jobs would be difficult as they require more effort than school did for these kids and just showing up and sitting at the back of the classroom. The employer would expect more from them. That must be a rude wakeup call. They weren’t given the tools as children and if they want more than a minimum wage basic job they will have a very hard road ahead.

I’m not sure what my point is, except how can you expect a kid not to be angry when they face the rude awaking that they were not given the tools to succeed. That no one cared about them enough to help them gain those tools.That no adult in their lives cared enough to ensure they learned skills such as perseverance, respect for your own ability, tenacity, self-respect, an self-worth.

Without these skills, adulthood would be a very rude wakeup call. I may not have learned a few such as tenacity until later but I am grateful for teachers and parents who cared enough to make me persevere when something became difficult for me. Hopefully, you had the same.

Have your beliefs changed?

I realized while writing a letter to a friend this evening that I have changed a lot over time. In my twenties, I was a bar star. I went to the clubs a LOT. I was the girl in the short skirt having others buy drinks for me. I was the center of attention. I was the life of the party.

I am an introvert (mostly). It was like that was a different person. I look back on it almost like it was a movie or show it seems so removed from my current life. I believed that I needed other people to make me feel valid. To make me feel like I mattered. I needed external validation. I craved feeling important. I wanted to believe that I mattered to these people. Turns out I was wrong.

That belief has changed, radically. I no longer need other people to validate my choices. My love language is words of affirmation, so I feel loved when others tell be kind words (written more than auditory). But, the big thing is I don’t need those words of affirmation to feel validated. I do that for myself now. I believe in myself. I don’t need someone else to tell me I made the right choice. That is up to me to decide.

What belief have you changed about yourself over time?

Nothing to say

I’m at a loss for what to write about this evening. And, that is okay with me. I have had a lot of turmoil the past few weeks and months and being without anything witty or philosophical to think about this evening is good with me. But, I didn’t want to stop my writing streak!

Don’t worry I’m sure I will have something to say about something tomorrow or the next day!

Progress

It doesn’t take much progress to feel like you are on your way. It just takes a willingness to do the next small step towards your goal. And then the next small step.

I try to do a little bit towards my goals each day. I have a LOT of goals at the moment because life is feeling very chaotic. We as a family unit need to bring in more income. That means quite a few changes are occurring and will continue to occur until a few things are set up and running.

Every choice in life that we make is progress towards our goals or it’s not. Right now I am all about progress, even tiny little ripples of progress. But still, progress!

Is it almost time?

There have been a few times in the past 24 months or so when I have wondered if we are facing a similar future to Europeans in the mid-1930s before the Second World War. The first World War was less about ideology and more about a military alliance, and who will join the fight to protect their allies. The second world war was more about genocide. Politically motivated, but still, genocide occurred in horrific numbers. I am simplifying the causes and reasons for both wars here I realize. My point isn’t an in-depth look at history. But, I wonder if the people pre-WW2 asked themselves the following questions I am asking myself now:

  • Is the world going crazy?
  • Is there a good side and a bad side?
  • Will I fight to support everyone’s human and civil rights? (the answer is yes)
  • Do I believe the propaganda spewed from many media sources? (no, I don’t)
  • I don’t understand disliking someone let alone hating them based on their religion, culture, class, sexual orientation, ability, race, etc.
  • Does anyone believe what the liars are saying in the news? Why are they allowed to blatantly lie? Why is no one stopping them from convincing more people of their lies?
  • When did outright lies become okay? Did I miss something, or did they?
  • I seriously can’t understand how someone could truthfully vote for Trump and think he was the right choice unless they were also old superrich white dudes who only care about money)? Did Germans vote for Hitler the same way? Could they see the truth?
  • Would I protect my neighbour if the police came to take them away? (not sure I would, at least at the beginning)
  • Would I recognize that the police didn’t / shouldn’t have that authority? (seriously not sure I would?)
  • I have stopped to think about what side of history I want to be on, did they before it all began?
  • Are we as humans destined to repeat history over and over again just making it worse and worse?
  • Why do any humans hate another group of humans for being different than them? Why don’t they celebrate that difference?

On this Remembrance Day, I appreciate the sacrifice of so many young men and woman in previous wars that have made that has given me the freedom to live my life and write in this little corner of the internet. I also appreciate all of the everyday people who risked their own lives to help their fellow humans, even when not everyone believed them to be human and worthy of help. I wonder if, in a few years, I will be in a similar situation as some of them were making the choice of risking my life for the greater good and protection of those deemed exterminateable. Because I would and I will if it comes to that.

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(*whispers* and it might)