I have been going through a bunch of medical tests lately. Thankfully not for anything really scary, but still not exactly spa treatments.
It has left me focussing more on my health lately and less on other projects and goals. I now have a medical ‘label’, with more tests to follow. But, nothing really horribly wrong. I just get to live in pain likely for the rest of my days.
This trial has shown me that health really is our most important thing. What we eat, how much we move, and what is going on in our minds can play a very large role in how healthy we are.
Count your blessing if you have your health, and don’t take it for granted.
I have to admit that I have a problem. I have A LOT of different email addresses. Why? I don’t really know any more. A couple were set up with projects that I have stopped now, two are from school, one was from when I did contract work, one was supposed to be for internet newsletters, and another friends and family have. I also have one that is just for financial institutions, with the hope that if anything gets hacked, at least those would be separate. But, they now forward to the other so, that defeats the purpose.
I don’t have to go and check all of these emails now, they all forward to one account, except for anything related to this blog and my regular job.. I have kept this blog completely separate from everything else in my life, thus far. With the hope that I can be more honest in this space, but I digress…
Email addresses, how many do we really need? Probably one for signing up for all the internet stuff, and you don’t have to check on it regularly unless you order something, and one for family and friends that you do check regularly. Or, would you just have one?
I read a lot of productivity books. I don’t think it makes me more productive. Because really if I would just learn the lessons from one book, I shouldn’t need to keep reading them, right?
The latest few I have read, and some blog posts that have come up recently talk about rituals. This word must mean something different to them, then it does to me. As google defines a ritual as:
a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order.
relating to or done as a religious or solemn rite.
Well, I think me and google are on the same track. Ritual to me is something religious that is done repetitively, like regular worship of some kind.
These productivity posts and books seem to be using it as another work for routine. I guess ritual is a more hardcore form of a routine? I don’t know, it just seems like an odd use of the word ritual to me.
* perhaps I should start a tag for just rambles 😉
We love to distract ourselves from really deep thought. We have full time jobs, families, hobbies, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and a bit of excising. We have the latest episode(s) of TV to (binge) watch or the latest movie to go see or that great novel to read. Don’t forget the ever entertaining social media feeds to check: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, etc.
We fill our lives with things to do and just things to distract ourselves from sitting and figuring out what we really want from life. What we truly have a passion for and a yearning to do.
We distract ourselves with ever more things that need to be done instead of the most important thing we need to do in our entire lives, get uncomfortable with ourselves and figure our sh*t out.
We don’t really look in the mirror. Not truly. We fix our hair or brush our teeth or look at our outfit, but never really see ourselves. We see an individual part of ourselves. Checking that our socks match or that our hair isn’t standing up straight, and there is nothing stuck in our teeth but that is all we see.
Go an look at yourself, not your individual parts but you as a whole. You are a fabulous human being! You are unique, no one else in the world looks exactly like you (even identical twins can have different facial expressions, so go with it). You have unique gifts to share, unique talents in a combination that has never before happened or will happen.
So, the question is, when looking at yourself, what are you going to do with your one unique life?
Courage is something that is very hard to find. It is something that you create within you when you are pressed to by a circumstance generally beyond your control.
This makes courage a personal thing. For one person it make take great courage to speak up for themselves to a parent or teacher, even at the age of 30. Our a child could be courageous to truly be themselves, which I think few of us ever are and I look to those people with awe.
Courage is hard won and fought for. It took courage to start writing words in this space. To some it might seem silly or stupid or not worth the effort. But to me this is the first time I have truly expressed myself truthfully, ever. No one I know is aware of this blog. I have set it up in a way that it can’t easily be traced back to me without some effort (hopefully!). I am free to be myself with no judgements or exceptions of who people have thought i am/was.
One day I might have the courage to write my name here, but not this day and that is okay.
One of the best lessons that I have learned is being willing to ask for and accept help. This has been extremely difficult for me. From a young age I wanted to do things my way and I didn’t need help from anyone. I was fiercely independent, I didn’t need anyone at all, ever.
Well I was wrong. We need each other for times when we need help and for times when others need help. Needing help is not a weakness. Giving help is not being a sucker.
Helping each other is what gives us a community. And, I’m wondering if our online world blocks us from helping others as much as we need to, to build a healthy community. Some of the things I read online make me wonder if the people writing those horrible things just need someone who will lesson and help them work through whatever is going on in their lives.
Help others and ask for help when you need it, that is what a community is for and what being a human should be about.
I was going to post EVERY DAY. I was writing posts in advance, I was editing a bunch of posts in one sitting. I was churning out little snippets of writing every day. And then I wasn’t.
Then I got derailed. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to do anything but be numb and ignore the reality of life for a bit.
But, the thing I learned was I don’t want to be numbed anymore like I used to. I want to be scared and upset and worried. I want to feel my emotions I don’t want to just pretend that all is well, when it’s not.
So, I am dusting myself off and getting back on the road to posting snippets when I want/need to. Perhaps daily, perhaps not but no more numbing and mindless consumption for weeks at a time.
This is the new me, the feeling, thinking, real me.