We love to distract ourselves from really deep thought. We have full time jobs, families, hobbies, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and a bit of excising. We have the latest episode(s) of TV to (binge) watch or the latest movie to go see or that great novel to read. Don’t forget the ever entertaining social media feeds to check: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, etc.
We fill our lives with things to do and just things to distract ourselves from sitting and figuring out what we really want from life. What we truly have a passion for and a yearning to do.
We distract ourselves with ever more things that need to be done instead of the most important thing we need to do in our entire lives, get uncomfortable with ourselves and figure our sh*t out.
I was going to post EVERY DAY. I was writing posts in advance, I was editing a bunch of posts in one sitting. I was churning out little snippets of writing every day. And then I wasn’t.
Then I got derailed. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to do anything but be numb and ignore the reality of life for a bit.
But, the thing I learned was I don’t want to be numbed anymore like I used to. I want to be scared and upset and worried. I want to feel my emotions I don’t want to just pretend that all is well, when it’s not.
So, I am dusting myself off and getting back on the road to posting snippets when I want/need to. Perhaps daily, perhaps not but no more numbing and mindless consumption for weeks at a time.
This is the new me, the feeling, thinking, real me.
The thought of writing for this little corner of the internet has felt like drudgery lately. And it’s not the blog, the topic, or the space. It’s totally me. I’m feeling burnt out on life at the moment, and the thought of finding both time and energy to spend it typing out anything coherent just seems like a lot of work. This reminds me of this saying:
You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you’re too busy, then you should sit for an hour. – Author Unknown to me (couldn’t find a reliable source on the interweb)
This feeling of being overwhelmed definitely means that I need to spend more time writing and getting all the stuff in by brain out of it and onto paper/screen. But it all just feels a bit too much right now. Hopefully the come days give both more coherence 😉 and more ability to get out what is in my head.
What journey are we on right now? Are we on an unhealthy journey, a working too hard journey?
The wonderful, marvellous thing about the journey that is our life is that we can change it at any time. Life also tends to ebb and flow. Some times life is super stressful and busy and full, like with a newborn (so I have heard). And some times it is more chill, like when you finish college/university and have time to think through how you want your life to go. Not that you get a say, but it’s nice to have the time to dream.
The question is right now you could be at a turning point in your life if you want to be. You can change your life starting today/right now. The choice to change your journey is yours!
I am very lucky to have a great job where I can work from home full-time. It took a very long time for me to see it as a benefit when we closed the office and started the work at home life almost a year ago. I had a lot of transition pain after 15 or so years of working in offices to going to almost no social contact during the workweek.
Now, I love it. One of the best parts of it is I wear a uniform every day. Yes, it consists of yoga pants (I did jeans every day for most of the first year, but really yoga pants are easier when I feel the urge to move around a bit and stretch) and a tee shirt. I have seven of each that are designated work only. I don’t wear them on weekends. I wear a pair of converse sneakers that are my work shoes during the work day.
I also wear a hoodie/cardigan most days as we live in the Great White North and it gets cold. The only item that changes day to day is the hoodie, as I haven’t found ‘the one’ that could become a uniform piece yet.
I do have client meetings from time to time a few times a month, so I do still get use out of my suits and office attire. But, no they are lasting longer as I’m not wearing them every workday.
No matter what the change in your situation you can find some little bit of positive in it if you really try!
Do we have a calling? Is there something that we are put on this earth to do?
One camp says yes. There is something we are put on the earth to do and once we fulfil our mission we are done with this life. That a higher power (God?) put us on the planet to do this one thing.
And one camp says no. We have free will to live our lives as we choose. There was nothing pre-ordained and nothing we are put on this planet to do. Our job or our lives are just to be lived.
I don’t have an answer. I think we all have strengths and weaknesses. But I don’t know if we have a calling.
Do you believe we all have a calling?
The gripe that ‘Life, isn’t fair’ is not going to get us anywhere. This phrase suggests that we are not in control of our lives. In the past we where born into our station, be it royalty or a farmer. We had no control or say over what occupation we had, and generally no say over whom we married.
Today we can not say that ‘life isn’t fair’. We have all the choice in the world to love who we want to (depending on your country though), what we do for employment, and our hobbies and entertainment.
If we are feeling like life isn’t fair, we should know that we have a difficult decision to make to change something in our lives, perhaps drastically to get back to a feeling of control. Because, our lives are fair, they are ours to live how we choose.
I have been reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (link is to her website not affiliate link).
There is one section of the book about the shit sandwich. It’s basically what is the horrible parts of something that you will put up with because you love doing it so much. This is my favourite line:
Because if you love and want something enough–whatever it is–then you don’t really mind eating the shit sandwich that comes with it.
What do you just have to create/do enough to endure the shit sandwich?